Waiting for when...

Sometimes I people watch, pray to God to send me someone, anyone. Waiting for nourishment for this malnourished neglected heart.  

My parents hate that I read, they tell me I need to find friends and men that are not fictional. But how can I when this is reality. When today's courting is a one night of liquor to numb the body. When Ephoria waits at the end of a pipe. When predators line the nights. When pills are always the answer. When relief lies between a white capsule and my tongue. When the only places love or loyalty exist are between pages.  

I find myself in a hall of mirrors, all the reflections are of someone I do not recognize all different all distorted like personalities. You’ll never find the same in a person, they change like the seasons. You’re greeted with the fresh breeze of spring and left with the cold chills of autumn. Forever changing and anyone that meets them will experience a different season even on the same day. Because the environment and factors around us affect us more than we realize. More than I want to admit.  

So even as I walk through this hall of mirrors, it’s not the bodies or faces that change much. It’s the eyes and I meet each gaze trying to find someone, fragments of something I hold so dear, but lost and can’t quite remember. I fear I won’t be cured until I’ve found it.  

But that’s when I remember you and remember who I am.